Sunday, December 20, 2009

A Letter to my Co-worker upon his departure

Dear xx,

I could not wait for this moment soon enough. After the nightmares I had of you and that you were a serial killer- I understand now that these thoughts could be G-d himself speaking to me.
Your impending departure has not only saved my own life, but the lives of all future UoPeople employees. Hashem works in mysterious ways AS we all know. From the small moment of gas- inspired discomfort in my belly to know it's functioning, to the UN's decision to give us this desert filled with Milk and Honey.

Alas, despite you being a serial killer I am sure there is some part of me that will miss your filthy humor and your murderous comments when I reach your fake-wooden desk. You are in luck, I actually stay in Tel Aviv on Tuesday nights because I am in therapy because of you. However, I am only available for alcohol consumption in celebration after 9pm.

Ta Ta for Now.
The Sooz.


At 12/21/2009 11:09 AM, Blogger Rob said...

To my dear co-worker

This comment is proving difficult to write. With the tear-soaked blurring of my vision and the wracking, building-shaking sobs, convulsing my entire being, I am finding it difficult to focus on my keyboard (which incidentally just shorted due to a deluge of tears and snot).

These are, of course, tears of joy and sobs of happiness brought about by multiple elements highlighted in your letter to me:

First and foremost, the knowledge that you will miss me brings me pure, unexpurgated, delight. Although rest assured, I will haunt you in your darkest, lonliest, sleep-covered hours.
Secondly, I am thrilled that I can contrinute to the saving of so many lives - thrilled only because it simply serves to extend the period of time duiring which I can savour the deliciously premature ending of their existences.
And thirdly, because I will leave such a powerful stench of evil in the office that the gas in your belly will react with my thickly despicable atmosphere and slowly, but surely, poison every fibre of your entity.

Of course, I am only kidding....or am I????? Ah ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaa.

Sleep well my pretty.

Your beloved co-worker.

PS Happy holidays and a splendid new year to you and all your readers.


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