Sunday, April 26, 2009

Jew 2

I've had so much on my mind lately that I have been spending the last week trying to filter it all into comprehensive writing. Unfortunately my filter is dusty from all of the pollination that is occurring right under my nose.
I am so relieved every year for Passover to be over. And by the time the Soldier's Remembrance Day passes, I often take a deep breath and strike my fists in the air from the emotional victory I have accomplished. Unfortunately, I don't know what else gets accomplished aside from allowing myself to exist during this time and not let my mind wrap itself up into too many knots.
I do realize that the significant events of my life in Israel materialize and implement themselves during the Hebrew months of Nissan and Iyar. My Mazal (luck) shoots through the roof & into the sky during this time, the only thing I usually am curious about is which KIND of Mazal it is. The good kind or the bad kind?
I'm only a day and a half away from my two year old birthday. As a Jew of course. Two years ago I sat in front of 9 Rabbi's in a sparsely decorated conference room in one of the millions of Rabbinical Courts in Bnei Brak and swam though questions about Judaism for 2.5 hours. I knew when the horn blew for the Soldier's remembrance day the Rabbi's would not stand up. They will not stand up because they don't believe in the State of Israel, and since they do not believe in the State of Israel, they will not remember Her fallen soldiers. The night before- I had a small conversation with my fallen soldier. I asked him to come with me to this meeting and stand by me- and to forgive me when I don't stand up for a horn that blows for him. I explained how I will not stand up because I am so close to my goal and when in Rome we must act like Romans. I felt he understood and I understood this would be the only time in my life I would not stand up but would not need to because he was there in spirit.
Since then I have and will never question the decisions I made and will make as a Jew- however I also feel that I should embrace myself as a convert. I have worried myself senseless on others opinions of myself. I have had my heart broken hearing misguided opinions that are biased and cruel. And with this birthday- I will give myself a present and promise myself to embrace the concept of ME. I often miss ME when I forget about her. When I get my mind in knots about other things. But have you met ME? I've heard she's the bees knees....


At 4/26/2009 4:34 PM, Blogger IsraLuv said...

she is the bees knees

At 4/26/2009 4:46 PM, Blogger Aubrey said...

Sometimes, I think that's the bravest thing anyone can do... is be absolutely true to self. You go, girl. You are the bomdiggity.

At 4/26/2009 5:14 PM, Blogger dyanna said...

I like your blog.I'm waiting for your new posts.

At 4/28/2009 1:56 AM, Blogger Naama said...

I hope it's OK that I'm writing, my English is really broken so I might switch to hebrew at some point.
I've watched the movie about you tonight and when it was over I had to look you up online. Although I don't know you at all, I just want to say what a special pearson I think you must be. I would like to wish you good luck and may Hashem be with you in every step that you make. Naama.

At 4/28/2009 5:22 PM, Blogger The Ginrod said...

Dear Naama-

Thank you for your warm message. Yom HaZikkaron is a hard and painful day but also a heartfelt reminder of what makes Israel the place it is. I wish you all the best. xx


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