Sunday, April 26, 2009

A Religious Metaphor

me: I tend to be a bit hokey-pokey. I need dreams and signs. Some are simply G-d fearing Jews who believe the rules must be followed because that's what Jews have to do or the world will fly off balance.
me: To me, it's as if Jews are the farmers of G-d's rules and everyone else picks the fruit and throws the unripe fruit back at the farmers.
Bro: hahaha
Bro: Then the taoist comes along
and says
if the they throw fruit at you, make fruit salad
me: lol

Jew 2

I've had so much on my mind lately that I have been spending the last week trying to filter it all into comprehensive writing. Unfortunately my filter is dusty from all of the pollination that is occurring right under my nose.
I am so relieved every year for Passover to be over. And by the time the Soldier's Remembrance Day passes, I often take a deep breath and strike my fists in the air from the emotional victory I have accomplished. Unfortunately, I don't know what else gets accomplished aside from allowing myself to exist during this time and not let my mind wrap itself up into too many knots.
I do realize that the significant events of my life in Israel materialize and implement themselves during the Hebrew months of Nissan and Iyar. My Mazal (luck) shoots through the roof & into the sky during this time, the only thing I usually am curious about is which KIND of Mazal it is. The good kind or the bad kind?
I'm only a day and a half away from my two year old birthday. As a Jew of course. Two years ago I sat in front of 9 Rabbi's in a sparsely decorated conference room in one of the millions of Rabbinical Courts in Bnei Brak and swam though questions about Judaism for 2.5 hours. I knew when the horn blew for the Soldier's remembrance day the Rabbi's would not stand up. They will not stand up because they don't believe in the State of Israel, and since they do not believe in the State of Israel, they will not remember Her fallen soldiers. The night before- I had a small conversation with my fallen soldier. I asked him to come with me to this meeting and stand by me- and to forgive me when I don't stand up for a horn that blows for him. I explained how I will not stand up because I am so close to my goal and when in Rome we must act like Romans. I felt he understood and I understood this would be the only time in my life I would not stand up but would not need to because he was there in spirit.
Since then I have and will never question the decisions I made and will make as a Jew- however I also feel that I should embrace myself as a convert. I have worried myself senseless on others opinions of myself. I have had my heart broken hearing misguided opinions that are biased and cruel. And with this birthday- I will give myself a present and promise myself to embrace the concept of ME. I often miss ME when I forget about her. When I get my mind in knots about other things. But have you met ME? I've heard she's the bees knees....

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Life has a new metaphor

This afternoon was spent in the form of a picnic lunch in our weed invested backyard. But instead of looking at it in such a fashion- it was instead a wild meadow filled with baby geckos and wild cats. We placed a large sheet and patted the weeds down- we opened a bottle of red wine and feasted on speciality chicken salad with dollops of Dijon and hints of black pepper hidden in the spiralled pasta.
We pretended to know the names of every tree that brought us shade and hung our feet in the air to let every inch of our winter skin bath in the sun.
There was a butterfly I was chasing in this wild meadow. Many times it escaped the fate of my grasp and I finally gave up. I settled into a patch of sun and continued to read my book. Soon enough I saw a wing fluttering from the cover of my book. I slowly brought my fingers towards it and it let me pet it's wings. It stayed there before flying off to be chased by another butterfly.