Tuesday, December 02, 2008

15 minutes to change the world.

Dearest Tsiki,

Today you would have been 27 years old. Although a few years have passed, my sentimentality has become a part of me. Although you have ceased to come into my dreams, I'd like to believe there is something intentional about it. Last week, I felt you in every moment that passed. We have conversations in my mind and I know this is how it's supposed to be. It would be a lie to say that I don't feel you're presence, or that you are not looking out for the ones you love here, but I simply know people cannot leave the ones they love- they place birds on a tree for us so we can notice them in the early morning, right outside of our windows. They let us see rainbows and shapes in the clouds. They give us a boost in the form of unexplainable optimism when times are dark and feelings of hopelessness are aroused and nurtured by our sour spirits.
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Sometimes I tear up at night, thinking about my own life experiences that make me feel so ancient sometimes. I can admit I become afraid when my heart explodes with love for my husband and for the life I lead. Every time I exit the Ben Gurion airport I am always reminded of my first visit to this land, the flowers and the balloons you held for me and the country you introduced to me that I never left.
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There is trauma in my soul that I hope will evaporate with time- but because there was so much goodness in knowing and loving you, I am reminded of how fragile life can be. I am reminded in the news and in other stories from those I have come to know since you left us. We cannot control what tomorrow holds for us, but we can definately create memories that warms us so we have nothing to regret when that moment happens that changes our lives forever.
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Your family continues to be one of the most important pieces of my life here in Israel. My love for them has grown from our history together but also provides me with such a strong foundation so I can continue to grow with David. I know you are proud. Thank you so much for showing me this world. I look forward to more chirping birds outside of my window.

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