Friday, August 29, 2008

Doring 2008

WIDTH="384" HEIGHT="304">

Wednesday, August 27, 2008



Sunday, August 24, 2008

Collective thoughts from a friday morning Outing

Once upon a time, a red onion pondered its existential reality-
It found a deep burning desire within- a burn that could only mean one thing:
It was so hot outside that it was actually baking from the INSIDE.

Lesson: Even if you are one to point your toes to the sky. It still doesn't meant that hiking in crocs is a good idea.

He-man was not one to figure out that perhaps Castle Grayskull wasn't in Eternia, but in fact, off the highway on the way to the Dead Sea in the Judaen Hills. Near a fresh water spring . Could the Central location of the Masters of the Universe be located right here in Zion? Perhaps!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Facebook inspired conversation

Ginrod: i amso glad you clicked "attending" for my facebook party. I feel that much closer to you online.
online, we are like ferrets who can't stop crawling all over each other in our small, contained cyber-cage in the pet shop window
Ginrod: if we're lucky, one day soon we'll be able to tag a picture of us together in real life!

Lizrael: one day soon...

Freckles are like rocks.

Israel's landscape reminds me of my freckles, small stones that pepper the landscape when driving the 443. It's so Israel, this highway, & when I drive it, I always think how friends back home think this is Israel, the Israel they see on the news . The checkpoints, the tall wall zig zagging around, protecting us from our neighbours. There is some colour on these walls. Fake paintings of arches with the sky painted on, bringing a bit of spirit to the dull gray concrete.
Then I take the highway one. Far different in character from the desert hills of the 443. The hills are greater, the grass can be green. Pine trees freckle the hills and bushes line them. The smell of manure floats into the air conditioning, a result of the kibbutz preparing their soil.
I think of Europe on the 1. I roll down the window and let my hand play with the powerful wind against it.
It's hard to believe sometimes that I have found myself in this country. More of a home to me than my own home, more of a history that my own journals. Who knew you can be born in the deserts near Mexico and become a woman in the deserts of the middle east. Perhaps it makes sense, with the stars, being born under a fire sign that, if I wasn't meant to come into a land with volcanoes, isn't the closest thing to fire the hot and humid land of the middle east?
oh, the heat.
It's so hot. I sit in it and my pores open up to breath.
What I love about driving through Israel is that no matter how many times I ride through these streets, I still look at her- this land, full of everything that defines life: Conflict, beauty, pressure, heat- and when you sit back for a second, there is still the breeze- to remind you that you are not far from the cycle of life, from that beautiful blue/green water of the Mediterranean. From this, I realize, I may have it all- wrapped up into this crazy beautiful package we call Israel.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

This pretty much sums up my Bachelorette Day

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Tu B'Av

Israel's Valentine's Day, Tu B'av has come and gone. I was greeted by lilies on my living room table. Traditionally- women dressed in white would frolic in the meadows and the handsome Jew boys would choose their future wives. These days, I'm not sure what happens. Once upon a time, it was marked by a party or two, but this year most of us seemed to sleep through the holiday. Except for this cat:

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Poignant Pogo Peace Corps Pepper

I am intrigued by my subconscious. Some of my readers have told me my writing can be poignant. I realize now that I find my blog therapeutic. A way to keep track of my emotions and let other people tap into my thoughts. I collect them here for myself and for others who may be confused about life as I am sometimes.
It's no secret that stressful situations allows trauma to relive itself in your subconcious. It's no surprise to me that I have been plaqued with nightmares. Crying myself awake or to sleep. My mind is speaking to me through my dreams, letting me know it has not forgotten the sadness and the fear. I am confronting these mind conversations with my chin up. I have to know it's pretty normal, but I wonder who I would be without that knowledge.
For me, dreaming has always been confusing. People will simply dust excuses underneath the rug. Taking away the meaning of a dream because it was "just a dream" or that it "will never happen". My dreams have always mixed in with reality, extreme details and higher emotions, premonitions, memories all mixed depending on the day, the season, and the moon.
A friend reminded me that my nightmares of late are my deepest fears, and I can agree with her. The problem is is that I have lived those deepest fears. So my nightmares are memories of the nightmare I experienced in which I couldn't wake up from and at that time period, when I slept I was dreaming of my normal life.
Now, my normal life is moving forward and I know how to walk along my memories and how to tend to my scars but my subconscious is releasing all of its strength during this joyous (stressful) month.

These nightmares are haunting me because of the good place I am in right now. Because it is a fear and not a reality. But I carry life as a treasure, in my silken hankerchef in the pocket of my heart because I know how precious it is. Every moment is not to be taken for granted. But I must learn I cannot fear every moment either. That is coming, but is not completed.
Does this make sense only to me?

Monday, August 11, 2008

Stranger Than Strange, Stranger than the Ginrod.

THIS is stranger than fiction.

Five Ginrod Thumbs up.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

My awakening at 28

I woke up this morning reflecting the past year. The good thing about a birthday is that it gives you a time stamp to count from. To reflect the last 12 months and plan where you're going. Ever since I was 18, I've been able to collect my accomplishments in a one year period. This past year I lived my first year as a Jew, I moved to Jerusalem, I became an Israeli citizen, and I'm set to marry my best friend. So far I've learned not to try to make okra into a soup, that white wine is better in the summer and not all my friends love super spicy Gazpacho soup. I've learned that I can lick 70 stamps but my fingers will get a creepy residue on it and that the writers strike really did affect the quality of movies produced in the last year. I accepted that Hilary will not be president but am ok with Obama. In the last year, I decided to try and not put so much butter on my stovetop popcorn and appreciate fluffy pillows. I went to Ramallah and looked upon the faces of Fatah and decided that I'm not as scared as I used to be. At 28, I am coming to terms that perhaps I will never become the rockstar I never tried to be but may rock out with other endeavors.
A couple days ago I had a terrible dream. The one where a man with a knife is set to attack P Bonez and I. The one where I tell him to jump out the window and escape because i'd rather go than lose someone else. Nevertheless, we both escape from seperate exits only for me to find that some shady men have taken P Bonez away from me. I woke up in a sweat. Shaky and disturbed.
It was only three and a half years ago that I couldn't wake up from my worst nightmare. The nightmare where the most dearest to me were taken away and I had to wake up every bright and beautiful Israeli morning to face that realization. A few years ago, I could only escape momentarily into a dream world where everything was normal. Where I had my father, and Tsiki -and life was as it is.
I shed some tears last night in my awakening that for the first time in 3.5 years, I had a terrible dream such as that, but I when I woke up- P Bonez was in the other room, watching a movie with the roommate. All the chairs were in the same place, my cupboards we half open and my two Vanity Fair magazines were scattered next to me. Such a simple realization hit me so hard.
My awakening is that I look over and I see P Bonez next to me and my heart is so full it wants to burst. My awakening is that my dreams haunt me because what I went through in 2005 could possibly be the most excrutiating experience of my life and it was so unfair to me to lose such great people. But also- that I am so damn lucky to have known such an amazing love because I had to know that love to find it again. And I did.
There is no doubt in my mind Tsiki had this all planned out for me, in my heart I know that this is how he would want it. If he couldn't be here with us, he would only want us all to be happy.
I know this because I can feel it in my blood and my bones almost every moment..... of every waking day.... of this life that I am living.
Happy Birthday to me.

Baruch HaShem