Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Snow? hardly.

Winter makes me feel like I am holding my breath. From the moment I wake up to the evening time, my cold-prone body reacts with one breath being sucked in after another. The fear of losing heat by mere breathing is enough for me to keep my back straight with an abundance of breath in my body.
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It can't be that cold outside. Yet- I have resorted to everything my parents have instilled in me when the air is crisp on your nose. That being: wear your strumpfhosen and your undershirt. Never go outside with cold hair. Wear a hat. Put on your scarf. Hold my hand and keep yours warm. No ice cubes in your iced tea. More Green tea. Oats for a morning breakfast. Steaming hot showers in the evening and quickly put on your thermal underwear.
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In general, I feel like I am holding my breath these days. Last year, I was complete with the feeling that it was important for me to make decisions to move myself forward and put myself in a more stable position emotionally, culturally, and career-ally. As of late, there is something in me telling me things are about to happen again beyond my control. That every decision I have made has put my feet in the appropriate location, but there is nothing more I can do.
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More than likely, I feel this way due to the status of my existence here in Israel. My paperwork is sitting on someones desk. Or perhaps i'm not that lucky- perhaps my file is sitting in a file cabinet, under the wrong name. Or a different last name. Not collecting thoughts, but collecting dust.
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I've come to the point where i don't feel like there is anything much to do but wait until my file flies through the system and out pops a Toda Zeut from the vending machine. I would consider throwing tantrums, but Israel is one big tantrum- a Ginrod tantrum would go unnoticed as I don't have much practice in the tantrum department.
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It would just be so nice to finish this process. So I could close a chapter in my life with no strings attached. Only memories- and those memories are ok with me. I want to be able to complete all projects I must do that aren't doable without my citizenship. I need to make this struggle a little bit easier for myself.
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So I have more time to bake.

1 Comments:

At 10/28/2008 1:55 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Hello!

I am contacting you because I am working with the authors of a book about blogs, and I'd like to request permission to use a photograph of yours in this book. Please contact me at matt@wefeelfine.org, and I'd be happy to give you more information about the project. Please paste a link to your blog in the subject field. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Matt
matt@wefeelfine.org

 

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