Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Dreams part VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIii

I got to hang out with my dad in my dreams last night. We were on a large patch of green grass and he was showing me a wooden chair he found somewhere and what a deal it was. He was in his jolly mood- excited about yet another good deal he came across. He was wearing his brown flannel shirt, the one he always wore when he would put on his cowboy boots. A look he loved to have ever since he immigrated and landed himself in Texas back in the day. Then I walked into the house I grew up in and saw my mother, asked her if she saw Dad, and she just looked at me blankly. And then in my dream, It was as if I woke up from my other dream, and I realized I was talking jibberish. He's no longer around.
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This Sunday would have been Tsiki's 26th birthday. We already feel it, his friends and I, his family. It's an anticipation that is always far worse than the actual day. I went the entire summer without too much thought- just allowing time to move us forward. Skipping myself farther away from the sadness that is never too far away. Who knew that sometimes we skip in circles- it's just the circles get larger and larger with time.
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So here I am- having myself a moment- but it'll last for a few days, where everything gets a little bit scary and then time passes, skips away- forward.

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