Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Confession of a Ginrod

Dear G-d,
I think about you often. Especially my place in this whole Jewish world I chose to plant myself right in the middle of. I called my Rabbi today. To tell him my guilty feelings of my lack of dedication to my Kashrut whilst on holiday. "I ate vegetarian most of the time, and it took that one moment of hunger weakness to reason myself into eating some fish."... And i don't feel guilty because I didn't know better, I feel guilty, because I know I reasoned myself into eating it For whatever reasons they were." I told him.
.
See, I've heard every one's philosophy on just about everything when it comes to their Judaism. I've listened to reasoning in regards to wine, salad's, coffee houses, friends houses, the way they dress, the way they pray, why they do some prayers and not others, why they light candles or don't. The way everyone keeps holidays and don't. I know every angle and I know what I've been taught. I also do not doubt what goes on behind closed doors, but my door is often open.
.
The point is: whether people think it's silly, stupid, too fine of detail or not, I shouldn't go prancing around this world reasoning myself out of things I'm pretty good at keeping at home just because I'm on holiday.
.
I did feel guilty in retrospect... but from myself being myself, well- I took responsibility that despite knowing whether or not i should do it, i did it nevertheless. I mean, we as humans always feel guilty afterwards. I've always been the person that said: i know your sorry, but if it really mattered, you wouldn't have done it in the first place. Erg, I can be such a hypocrite.
.
I mean c'mon. I didn't even break the rules in a fit of passion. It wasn't like temptation of the skin overcame me and I had a love affair with this dead fish and loved it all up. Geez, I can't even blame that I was overcome with passion. I was just sick of being hungry on veggie sandwiches.
.
Perhaps I felt even more guilty because what an impression it made. You know, the whole "Ginrod dedicates herself to something and if something so simple can be reasoned out of, what else is there?"
.
Worry not G-d. I learned my lesson. Honestly, I know Israel has spoiled me. Things are a lot easier here. Seriously, the guilt from something so silly is simply not worth it. Above all, it's really about my responsibility as a convert. I don't want to be a liar. I didn't have to convert. Is it possible temptation of the fish is stronger than temptation of the flesh? whoa. Dissertation on fish vs. flesh to be presented in my next Shiur.
.

xx
Gavriella.

1 Comments:

At 7/13/2007 9:31 AM, Blogger Monty West said...

Heh! You are Always inspiration Susi.

 

Post a Comment