Sunday, May 27, 2007

What it's like to be a Jewess.

I've been a Jewess for around a month now, nothing has changed too dramatically. I mean, before I received my bag of gold and met with the Elders of Zion, I would stand next to a light switch and obsessively flick it on and off on Shabbat. Laughing . Because I could- being a Goi and all.
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I can't do that anymore. But I don't need to, you know- since my soul now is more elevated that those, dare I say it?.. Christians.
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I kid I kid.
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Over the weekend, I watched a documentary about the evangelical cults, I mean- Christians- in Middle America. "That looks like Kansas" I tell my Irish roommate. "It is Kansas" as we watch the evangelicals in action. It's a bit traumatic for me, watching things like that. I'd much rather separate my milk and meat than listen to country twang preaching. Watching the documentary, I was reliving the cultural experience of white-bred, middle-America. There is no place on earth like it. (Thank G-d).
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My new horns are growing right on my hairline. It's messing up my 180 Shekel haircut I just got. I don't know how my other friends do it- I mean, the guys have it easy- with the Kippa (Yamika) and all, they just have to find the appropriate size and walla! It's insta-horn cover-up. The girls- they spend hours and hours in the powder room, shaving them down and poofing their hair so the bumps are covered enough. I've noticed some girls are lucky enough to have their horns in the back of their heads. They don't need to shave them down, they just wear pigtails and no one notices. Lucky Jewess's.
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Despite all the fun of keeping halacha and all, being a Jewess is fun. but I've also met a plethora of JewAsses. I guess their bag of gold from the Elders must be bigger than mine. Not that I'm jealous or anything. I made another appt with one of the Elders. Privately- but in the laws to Yechud, ya know- to re-discuss my bag of gold so I could cut down on working and go back to Ulpan...maybe an apartment purchase as well.
xx

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