Sunday, May 06, 2007

ruminating Ginrod

My bare feet gather specs of sand in between them when I walk across my tile floors. The bottom of my purse is lined with sand in the corners- I have to fluff my bed sheets to make sure the sand bounces off them. These are the signs that summer is hitting Tel Aviv.
.
As I was napping Fri afternoon, I started dreaming of Tsiki- as i opened my eyes, my heart froze and I've realized there are so many things I have forgotten- or chose not to remember during the last two weeks. I can't believe all the change that has happened in the last two years. I am such a different person than I was before.
.
Saturday afternoon, I found myself cutting some bread and spreading the different dips on my pieces of bread, then slicing them in half and placing them on the cutting board. From there- I would eat my pieces throughout the day, in between walking from my room to the living room, or the kitchen and back. There was a glass of wine from the Kiddish I attempted after Shul which I would sip from and I realized: this is a habit of my father. He would always have his cutting board of his specially ordered, dark bread from the Bakery around the corner in Tulsa. He would spread different wurst's on the bread, cut them in half.. he'd have a glass of cold beer next to his reclining chair. I'd come home from school and he would say "Soozi, ze lebenwurst is prepared on ze cutting board. Help youEhself." I'd run over to him and his breath would smell of garlic and beer as I held my own breath and gave him a big, i'm home- hug.
.
Funny how a simple cutting board can flood in so many different memories.
.
I was walking last night to the Hilton to hang out with some friends. and the whole "yikes-I'm a Jew" thing popped into my head. Then the other side of the Ginrod asked: what does that mean, to be a Jew? - other than the obvious... why does this feel so important?"
.
Then my walking to the Hilton self thought: "hmm your right, aside from the obvious answers..well, are the obvious answers are good enough- aren't they?" Then the other side simply agreed: they are good enough, those obvious answers, either way- your children now will be Yids, and that's all the matters.. for some reason."
.
Then I continued my walk- still pretty smug of my life decisions that have brought me to this moment. It took all of me to get to this moment, and now I feel I can walk with my back a bit straighter.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment