Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Mom

It's no wonder Jews are known for staying within their community. The most entertaining fact about my last statement is that: what is the community? This religion is the biggest web of facts, commentaries, solutions, stories, roles, lack there of, disagreements, distrust, celebrations, holidays, there are.
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one perspective is: you are close minded if you only stay in the framework of being Jewish.
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The counter argument is: an individual spends their entire life finding and refining and re-defining their Judaism. Why search for anything else? This takes up a hellavelot of time.
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I told the Bet Din when I converted that it didn't matter if they converted me or not. That my lifestyle wouldn't change and I would continue to study and keep a kosher lifestyle etc etc.
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I realized I lied a bit. Not because I went the other way and wore my underwear on my head and a spandex costume, like a person with the Jerusalem syndrome.
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More so for the reason of the simple role of a convert. One does not convert to a religion just to be the same person they were before. One converts to take on the practices and beliefs (no matter how extreme it may seem to the secular individual) of the religion.... So I realized I lied. I lied because I should have said: I realize my path to learning is very strong, but as a convert I will need to be more aware of certain details that I didn't have to before.
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"you know more about kashrut than I do" says a friend.
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you keep halacha at a good level" says the other.
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And the only answer that makes sense is: since I chose this. I have more of a responsibility. but but but!!!!!.... I am also not perfect- but I'm learning..and will continue to.
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Then I try calling my mom, because you should never forget the role models in life that made you who you are, and right now, I'm homesick for my mom.

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