Saturday, April 28, 2007

Happy birthday to me

When I look back on these past two years, I do not look back with a sense of self- I look back on them with a lot of pain, self reflection, confusion- dancing, laughing, sleep, lack of sleep- stomach aches, existential crisis, and chocolate. There is no recipe of how i remember this struggle that i will sum up as Israel.
But, when i do look back on the past couple years, I look back with a sense of awe. In so many ways, I still feel like a kid. I also realize that the decisions I have made for myself and my future were very adult.
Once upon a time, I set out to become the person I am now. This story may have come to a beautiful ending this week as I dipped my body into the Mikveh and took on a new faith- but it is far from that, to this day- I came into being through much happiness and support, as well as tears.
I sit here now, on my couch with a sense of peace and awe of how much one can do for oneself when it needs to happen. I went from feelings of pure despair to a sense of being reborn. Do I feel different? not necessarily, but, for the first time in years, I feel like I have been granted a new start- and with that comes a community of loyal friends, who have witnessed me at my worst, and still think i am pretty entertaining.
I could possibly be one of the most luckiest gals in the world.


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