Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Dream that Overstates the Obvious.

I'm riding my bike through Tel Aviv, but it's not just Tel Aviv. It's a mixture of any city that I have ever felt a connection to: little shops of Siegen-Berlin, Gas Stations of El Paso, cobble stones of Jerusalem, they are all part of this city that is Tel Aviv but not. I ride to a iron-fenced building, chain my bike in the parking lot. My Rabbi meets me outside of the doorway to a building that looks like a clinic. The chairs inside are the 70s orange bucket seat plastic chairs that we had in our cafeteria at Bixby Highschool.
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My Rabbi ushers me to take a seat in the 2nd to last chair in the 1st row. He goes to the plastic window and announces our appointment to the women sitting inside. "Any moment" he assures me as I realize it could be many moments and how I wish I brought a book to read or some study material.
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I am wearing a skirt that falls below my knees. My black boots cover the rest of my legs and my anxiety is replaced with more of a fierce outlook. I feel my insides toughen up in preparation for the meeting. My Rabbi leaves the room, I sit there, alone.. time passes, moments pass.. No one is around. I wait for hours. A couple random friends appear and vanish in the room through this time. The sun is setting outside. No one is around and I don't know who to call on. I wait and wait until the lamplight's outside flicker on and the small town that in my head is Tel Aviv brings in dusk.
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I'm not sure what to do, but I am certain everyone has forgotten about me. Why I am in this room?? I am not sure if anyone was interested in meeting me in the first place. That realization makes me feel lonely and I get up to leave. So I can return when the sun is shining again- maybe tomorrow will give me a better chance at obtaining a meeting. (why do I not check? Why did I not look in the building, check the rooms- try and find my Rabbi? Because in that moment in my dream, I don't feel that they even want me, or care that I have waited for hours and hours for them.)
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I go outside and unchain my bike. I ride the bumpy cobblestone road to my home? To take a break- get a coffee? My cell phone rings. "Susi!!" My Rabbi calls with urgency, "where are you?!!? They have been waiting for you all along.
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I turn my bike around, peddling faster and faster back up the rode that has turned into a hill. I didn't realize it the first time I rode to the meeting. But it was..a long road upwards. Even then, I treated the hill as if it was a flat road nevertheless and made it back to my Rabbi and my meeting.

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