Monday, April 30, 2007

Alien Life


I'm enjoying living in a constant climate all day. What I mean of course is the fact the the weather is so moderate outside- that there is hardly a difference between the temperature inside vs. out. The only difference is that my freckles play mating games on my face because of the stark sunshine.
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Tel Aviv has a plethora of quirky people. I've noticed it more this week than I ever have. Mostly due to the fact that the sun is shining and freckles are in mating season- I've also noticed that the middle aged women of Tel Aviv, Merkaz suddenly think they are 25 again and wear the spandex to prove it.
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The last time I wore spandex, it had to be in the 90s when everyone was wearing neon wind shorts and the black spandex shorts underneath with a fat neon stripe on the side. Usually, I would couple it with some sort of cheerleading t-shirt and a matching neon hair bow sprayed in place with my Aqua-net in pink, not the white.
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Here the ongoing style for the average 55 -year old female is the following: Deep red hairdye, leathery tan, pastel spaghetti -strapped tanktop and some sort of loud spandex pants with matching plastic bracelets making a clinkety-clank sound as they shake their hips strutting down Diesengoff.
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I found myself impressed with a stunning blond walking towards a friend and I. A bit envious of her rack which was bigger than mine could ever strive to be, her hips were slim and her lips full. As she came closer, bile came up on my throat to realize that her lips were significantly larger than her head itself and her face was stretched back to make her 62- year old self seem 25. Bile. Right up my esophagus.
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Yesterday, I witnessed a plump man reciting poetry into a mic. His striped shirt had an iron stain right on his chest and he wore an eyepatch. Put a smile on my face.
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I was reviewing my Brechots since I converted and noticed there is a special Brechot in case one sees a deformed person or monstrous creature: "m'shaneh habriyos". I am certain now that the sages anticipated the botox, saline, and all other alien life that is breeding in this White City that I call home.

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