Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Dream about a fruit.

I've got a fishbowl on my desk. Secretly, I believe my company keeps me around cuz I'm that girl that you find walking around the office with the fish bowl- headed towards the kitchen and announcing that "the fishes need a bath!!". No matter how silly it is, everyone grins and when clients come in- they find it humorous to see me marching into the kitchen and scrubbing the bowl clean as the fish splash around in a tiny bowl next to me.
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In Feng Shui, Goldfish are "baby dragons"- good luck. Fish bowls are supposed to transform bad energy. When I sit and stare, the Goldfish press their O mouths against the glass, moving their heads left to right, jiggling themselves from excitement at the notion of being fed...I find myself lightly touching the glass and grinning, I check on them, always glancing over my shoulder as I work. These goldfish of mine. I stare at them and get lost in thought- they say Goldfish have 3 day memories, I've read up to 6 months- either way, temporary memory can't be a bad thing.
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I don't dream of Tsiki often. There are often symbols in my dreams that in one way or the other refer to him. But only a small handful with him directly in them. I think I've had one for each season only. In the beginning, he came to me and said he was sorry. I've only dreamt of my father twice. He seems to come when I am emotionally wounded. I don't know if it's to motivate me, or to also kick me in the gut. Either way, I was on a Kibbutz this time, we were strolling along. As always, I know he's dead- but I ignore that fact and wonder if I don't bring it up- perhaps he'll forget he's dead and we can go about the merry lives we were leading in early 2005.
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And then the dream gets frustrating, and my ovaries are in a bowl. but they are not ovaries- they are pomegranate seeds and I need his seed and I am not allowed it because he's dead. The nurse tells me not to tempt such an ordeal and the dream changes and I am at a track meet again and running laps. the 800. My knee is hurting, like it does right now, and I keep running. My knee is breaking and I keep running. I know if I just make myself do one more lap, I can make it. One more lap.

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