Monday, March 26, 2007

Beef

I know having the entire package is wrong.
I've never had it before and what started as a fling relaxed in the last months.
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I don't do it often, it's wrong- maybe it's my upbringing- mostly because it's so salty. I would have it once week, and then another..and then a break. Unintentional on my part, timing- the weather, my cholesterol level. It was just a special thing that would make my taste buds tremble but I never needed it.
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I needed it today. For whatever reason, I went to the grocery store- grabbed a simple salad and a package of beef prosciutto.
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My fingers tear apart the slightly dry meat. The slices are stuck together. I find myself only eating the bits in my bowl and ignoring the ripe tomatoes next to them. I tear apart more and more. This can't be healthy, I think to myself. But it's soo good, I rationalize. I hurt! My belly says, I ignore my belly like I do many things right now.
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Some people love playing wheel of fortune. When I say love, I am implying that some people take it very very seriously.
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I am fortunate. I have come to the realization that my stomach will not allow me to eat the rest of the package. My taste buds are fighting for it. My tongue likes the texture. My belly is firm and will punish me later. just... a little, more. no.yes.no-ugh- but soo good.
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Toddlers have been frequenting the office today. I hear them in the distance as I tear pieces of Prosciutto and place them into my mouth. I feed them cakes and chase them around to prevent them from placing their fingers in an electrical outlet. I don't like being selfish- it doesn't make me feel good, looking at the toddlers, I think how nice it would be to think of someone else for a moment and what's best for them.
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If i eat small bits just for the taste, I'll be OK-I think as I tear fish sized pieces. The salad will digest it. I remember my dream: A boat is about to dock and I fall off of it. I'm swimming in the water around it, not bothered- I'm used to it. I am playing peek-a-cubicle-boo with the toddler, Flinging the beef prosciutto strips around for flare. Flaring beef strips. Proscuitto strips. Flares. TGIF flare- TGIF artichoke dip. ugh, my stomach may never forgive me.

1 Comments:

At 3/27/2007 2:56 PM, Blogger cornflake girl said...

Today my body keeps telling me to eat lasagna until it is up to my eyes. So far I had two pieces and because it's so damn good my taste buds want a third. I just think I'm being a glutton.

 

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