Wednesday, October 25, 2006

one and a half years.

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Today marks the one and a half year anniversary of the loss of Tsiki. I went through my old laptop and found the folders of short videos tsiki would entertain himself with while he was traveling through S.E Asia. It's funny what time can do, on one hand- it's passes so slowly and painfully, and on the other...well, has it been that long? i've lived so much in the last year, but often still feel that hole that has been ripped into me is still gaping and hoping. I realized a lot this year, and understand things on such a different level than I had before- that understanding alienates me and magnifies my loneliness. That understanding defines who I am these days. If we could only take back all the wrongs we ever did and make them poetic rights, for a chance to gain that innocence back, I would focus all my little prayers to it.

Tsiki is the one in front. This was one of my favorite videos of him, he hated that I loved it. "Don't show it to your Peace Corps friends, it's a bit embarassing" he's say with a grin. I showed it to aLL my friends.

I've stopped missing him in the way I did before: As a lover, as the man I wanted to spent my life with. Nowadays, I simply miss his light- his friendship, his loss was a huge blow to his family. I want their happiness back.

I took the day off to breath a little bit, for a little self reflection to get away from the memories of my dreaming last night. I think i'll jump on a bus and rest my thoughts in Jerusalem.



At 10/25/2006 4:41 PM, Blogger channahboo said...

I love that video!!! And I love you bubba! Remember what I said last night.... er... it was something profound. mwah!!!!!!!!

At 10/25/2006 9:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A great clip babes. We can do a reenactment if you like, with tutus on of course.

I remember for the first time seeing a clip of Tsiki last summer with you ... and I still here to have with you that glass of whiskey to follow.

Love you X

At 10/26/2006 6:26 AM, Anonymous Melanie said...

What a great video, and what a great way to remember someone who was (and is) so special to you.


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