Thursday, October 19, 2006

Living Life on Auto Pilot



I almost didn't go to my Shiur last night. Since the weather has been changing as well as my body, my legs have been aching. I woke up from my afterwork nap to my alarm crashing against the table, a weight of 30 lbs on my shoulders. My contacts, dry from the stressful dragons nap I just had, were stuck to my eyeballs as I thoughtlessly flicked on the TV to catch 15 minutes of Dr. Plastic/ Dr. 90210 on the television.

I rarely ever watch TV. Before I discovered Dr. Plastic, I don't think I watched more than 2 hours of television a week. Because of Dr. Plastic, I watch 5. It's a disgusting revelation of the vanity of wealthy and dissatisfied humans who go in for package deals of liposuction, tummy tucks, and breast augmentations. Ugly people try to get prettier to help their "modeling career". Skinny women want to be even skinnier and have disproportionate saline sacks inserted into their chest for "self esteem". Bumps on noses are shaved down, cheeks are stuffed with Ass fat for a more "youthful roundness".

Every time I watch the show. I feel a little bit better about myself. A bit more real?

Every time I watch the show. My own breasts seem to shrink a little more.

Nevertheless, after some carrot soup. I briskly walked to my Shiur to find some spiritual inspiration in this plastic world.

Rabbi Levine was discussing the hangover of the Hagi'im. How there is this natural sense of emptiness that floats into our hearts after such an intense time of reflection, observation, and celebration. I wanted to tell him of all my nightmares ever since Yom Kippur. HowI felt all my sadnesses and happinesses turned into a concrete block in the last two years and with all my ruminating during the Hagi'im they were broken up and floating around my innards with no where to go. How sometimes I think my thoughts are pounding against my cranium but my ears won't let them out.

Rabbi Levine told us of a mashal to explain the essence of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur: It's as if you had a disease. There are the internal symptons, eating your body from the inside, and the outer symptons- the rashes, the bumps, the boils! After all the ruminating and self-reflection, and cleansing of the green stuff that clouds your aura, your disease is gone, but the rash still remains. To rid yourself of the rash is to give your soul a little TLC in the form of the T-o-r-a-h for the next year and follow the rules a little better for effective spiritual performance.

We went on to discuss faith and I brought up the statement that I often assume peoples faith are confused with their naivety. And how I find it hard to balance the dullness of the everyday world with the floating-in-the-clouds feeling of the religious world. Rabbi Levine explained how the effort should be made to elevate the physical world to a level that can bring a connection to the spiritual world. "Only in the physical world is reality hidden." he began, "taking the physical and making it spiritual is the only way to bring G-d into this world."

In the world of Dr. Plastics and speed dating, of shocking news and Whip-its. The goal really is to absorb life. I, we- tend to be guilty of experiencing things and not letting it imprint our souls, Of living our Sundays to Thursdays without absorbing, if we took a moment- to let it touch us, well- I guess we'd still enjoy beer and pizza, but there would be a hint of beauty in the way the oil slides off the slice and accidently into our beer.

1 Comments:

At 10/20/2006 2:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shalom!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, I totally agree with the post-hagiim emptiness feeling.
I loved what the Rabbi told you in the Shiur, about elevating the everyday life of this world to a higher, spiritual level. Personally, I do my best to absorb each and every experience and feeling that I have during the weekdays. It brings me the passion to continue bringing my life to a higher level, to be a better person. It's not always easy - sometimes you feel you can and want to do much more in life. When you see the effects of your seemingly little deeds, you want to do more than that, but we all have work and other commitments.

btw, I got to your blog by the comment you left at sabraheart ;)

Shay

 

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