Thursday, September 21, 2006

Those lil white lights



Kabbalistic belief is that the universe is broken down into atoms. As are we. And swimming deep down into our souls are elements of goodness that create white lights. As we grow and do good in this beautiful snow globe, our lights grow and we shine like the drag queens in the Lower East Side on a Saturday, post-shabbat night.

One thing I have always stood by in the last year and a half is making my sadness beautiful. That pain and ache can be filtered as negative but just like a violin echoes a heartwrenching melody- it's almost as beautiful as it is sad.

And so, as P Bonez and I decided to say our goodbye's, our violins played a melody for us on the beach yesterday in the form of sailboats sailing by and shoulder stands in the water. We let the sun brown us and shed tears over an amazing friendship that was a stable companionship, but not enough to bring us into the new year.

Breaking up sucks.

But if we overcame all the challenges a relationship of a man dedicated to his faith and his ideals and a woman dedicated to her La La world of happy places and soundtracked days, well- I suppose we were going to break up in the best way possible. With beers on the beach and standing still to watch the fish in the sea. Hand in hand we were to say goodbye so he can find what he wants and I'll stand there, dumbfoundly waving in the symbolic sense, and holding that chin up and cracking my violin on the way home.

my brother told me just because I have a bit of a story that landed me in the Holy Land to remember that G-d doesn't give you a background check when stuff like this happens. I told him I knew that.. Obviously. But I expected a gift certificate that I could cash in times like this.

I lost my best friend two days ago. And I know his heart hurts as much as mine for different reasons but I'm a little lonelier without his goodnight phone calls. In the world of the Ginrod, you split up and then become best buddies and he'd fall for the woman he needed and I'd fall for the man I wanted and we'd best friends with picket fences and laugh about ever having a story together. My world isn't very logical. Most of society stop speaking after parting ways. Bonez and I sunbathe.

It is the Jewish New Year and because I am not Jewish, I don't get all the points for practicing it, but I'm hoping the angel on my right side is racking up my points and saving some cash for the upcoming year. The year Ginrod will become a Jew. That's good enough to stick around mother Israel no?

xx

3 Comments:

At 9/22/2006 10:41 AM, Blogger David P said...

Kofi Annan call and said i was being disproportionate :(

 
At 9/22/2006 6:34 PM, Blogger Friends of Tsiki said...

Sorrow is short-lived. Love and friendship are eternal.
Words are always cheap.. I know it best. But words are all we got in times like this. I hope your New year would give you solace and a new and bright horizon. Love.

 
At 9/22/2006 8:56 PM, Anonymous Melanie said...

Shana Tova, from one not-yet-Jewish girl to another. :)

 

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