Saturday, August 05, 2006

Drunken Brunch

After a respectable amount of planning and equivalent amount of stress, my Friday afternoon Susi is 26 and made it through the year Drunken Brunch was as I hoped. I sat back on my couch and stared at all my friends. My heart melted. I felt like the most fortunate person Friday afternoon.

It was only a year ago that I wept for the hand of cards Spring of 2005 brought me. It's been a little more than a year ago that all my belongings came with me in two large suitcases, and no beginning in sight, but it was a beginning wasn't it? I was able to sit back and realize the fortune the plate of 2006 allotted me, words cannot express my joy at what my friends and I have accomplished. My liver is punching me right now for celebrating after a Fasting Holiday.

This birthday carried so much meaning for me. I may even admit that this could have been the best birthday I have ever had. It was more than just a celebration of age, for me- it marked a celebration of a new life I have chosen to live and I have the support in friends and family to prove it.

The ongoing effects of the war were not forgotten. Friends are still in their posts in the army. Soldiers are still falling and soon I will share everything I have learned about life and loss to new women that are beginning their grief cycle with their raw losses. I did not forget these women, and although I marked my birthday with a soulful sigh of relief that I have accepted my past and cherish the opportunity that I can continue to live and love, I did not forget that there are young women who will not be able to celebrate the upcoming year because their pain has only just begun.....

I shared with my Jewish learning tutor in the last week a big "secret" I felt I had to hide from her until she came to know me better. In many social circumstances in the last year, I felt I was under a magnifying glass- waiting to be ripped apart, I sometimes felt I would never fit in because of certain choices I "permanently" made with myself would affect public opinion. I told my tutor about my tattoos and asked if this is something I should share with my Rabbi. She looked at me like I was crazy. "Susi, the choices you made in the past, in regards to tattoos etc does not affect the person you are becoming now" she explained. " "I don't think you understand, I am really tattooed" I stressed. "And although my tattoos have become a part of me, it pains me to think that people would think my values aren't the same as theirs because of them". My tutor brushed off my worries with the rationale: "do you really want to be around people that would judge something like that and question your spiritual worth". "You're right", I responded, "I'm not in highschool anymore- I can't bother myself with other people's expectations". I left it at that. She was right.

In the last 10 hours I have been thinking a lot about my conversion. I began around Passover and am enjoying this natural progression of my learning. I made a conscious decision not to pressure myself too much so that all that I learn would sink in naturally. But when P Bonez inquired yesterday when I was going to take it to another level, I became a bit defensive- I also realized that he was right, this is the life I am going to be leading for the rest of forever- it is time to take it to the higher level. So I feel I need to make the next level of commitment and re-adjust my weekends to allow myself a schedule where I can spend every weekend with the proper people that will instill a proper habit of Shabbat.. Every weekend. I have no choice but to really learn the prayers, and the sooner the better.

So- friends in Israel, feed me and teach me, and don't get mad at my tattoos. Because it's only a matter of time where I won't be the token Shabbat Fairy anymore!

7 Comments:

At 8/05/2006 9:03 PM, Blogger BabyAdi said...

P Bonez's niece and her parents would love to have you again for shabbat. Anytime. As long as there is more 80s rock.

 
At 8/05/2006 9:16 PM, Blogger Ginrod Isus said...

Do u think they have Baby Madonna tapes? I am working on a full day of accapello (spelling) songs for bebe adi. see u in a couple weeks (i just invited myself over).

 
At 8/06/2006 11:08 AM, Blogger IsraLuv said...

should i make you a key?

make sure you get some sleep BEFORE shabbat.(that goes for me too)

 
At 8/06/2006 11:36 AM, Blogger elif said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 8/06/2006 11:39 AM, Blogger elif said...

It was a great party my lovely...thank you. And I hope this "higher level" means more Shabbatot in Jerusalem- we do shabbat in style over here (and you are the best guest of honour any host could hope for)

 
At 8/06/2006 10:23 PM, Blogger DolceVita said...

can i be the new shabbos fairy seeming as you're haning up your fairy boots??

 
At 8/09/2006 11:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so glad to hear that you have come so far and even if you were really crappy before ;-) you are pretty great now. And your bday was off the hook,

-Ryan

 

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