Monday, June 12, 2006

Gentile Disease

Learning the details of keeping Kosher is intellectually banal. I am pretty aware of what I am not supposed to do, but not so much aware of what I should do in detail. Every week, my tutor is slowly pointing out new ways the Jewish woman can take out the joy of meal preparation and make it a military effort. Please do not misunderstand me, this by no means insinuates I am turned off by conversion, but this does insinuate I am learning a level of Kashrut that I can't be sure my religious friends are even aware of.

A couple weeks ago, we entered into the discussion of how not to drink wine with a Gentile (non-jew), for it may lead to intermarriage (g-d forbid). This week we discussed in detail how to find mites in food and how to not have to many dinners with non-jews because you may run the risk of un-kosherizing your kitchen and ....intermarriage (G-d forbid). I finally put my hand down. "Listen (name), I hope you understand that I am completely ready to keep the laws expected of me upon conversion. But this whole Gentile topic is really hurting my ego. You're making me feel like a Disease."

So in the spirit of the Gentile Disease, I have defined the following:

The Gentile disease (also known as Shiks-yndrome, Goi-tercile) is not considered to be due to infection, although micro-historical data may play a role, and cannot be spread from person to person.

Social Significance of the Gentile Disease
The identification of Gentiles as a disease, rather than as simply a variation of human structure or function, can have significant social or spiritual implications. The controversial recognitions as diseases of Shiks-syndrome, also known as the "non Jewish women" has had a number of positive and negative effects on the financial, spiritual, and matriarchal responsibilities of the Jewish man, as well as on the individuals themselves. The social implication of the Gentile as a disease could be profound, though this classification is not yet widespread.

The Gentile condition may be considered to be a disease in some cultures or eras but not in others. Gentiles is a condition considered to be diseases in the elitist communities in Ranaana and Jerusalem today, but were not so-considered aeons ago during the time of Ruth and King David. Gentile Syndrome is not prominant in some other countries and sectors where the Jewish population is stable and thriving.

Gentiles are a group of afflicted individuals who were historically shunned due to the fear of them tempting the Jewish people from their religion and popping the bubble most religious Jewish persons tend to find comfort in. The term "Gentile" still evokes social stigma. Fear of exposure to the disease can still be a widespread social phenomena, though not all Gentiles evoke extreme social stigma.

Rules to keep in mind if you a are experiences the symptons of a Gentile in your life:

do NOT mix wine when you have the Gentile disease. It may lead to intermarriage.

do not eat with a gentile. it may lead to intermarriage.

if you have a gentile in your life, hold your breath for ten minutes. because you are a "chosen" person. You should be able to quiet the thoughts of the gentile and not pass out.

if the above effort did not succeed. do NOT tell your mother you have been fornicating with a Gentile. You won't get your monthly allowance.

Treat the Gentile symptons with rubbing alcohol. Although it might be as painful as your brit.

Do not go out with a Gentile in humid weather. The gentile may rub off on you and you'll be a bad Jew.

ok, i am out of steam.



At 6/14/2006 2:15 PM, Blogger David P said...

ah "gentile"... i get it now.

although it also made sense the dyslexic way...

At 6/14/2006 3:17 PM, Blogger muki said...

Her hand looks HUGE!!!

At 6/14/2006 3:21 PM, Blogger Ginrod Isus said...

It's because i'm half monkey. Didn't you realize this?

At 6/25/2006 3:19 AM, Blogger zip zip said...

LOL. Now I know why half my jewish family has married gentiles, the wine... lushes.


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